began my mission to show the world how difficult life is with Juvenile
Diabetes, the stakes were high, since I was attempting to influence decisions
that might affect millions of lives, including my own, and when it came
to saving my sight, my future as an artist as well.
more I delved into an understanding of my past the more I realized the
impact this condition had on my life. Especially my identity, even though
I have had Diabetes as long as I can remember, it wasn't until I experienced
several episodes of severe hypoglycemia (low blood sugar levels) and Insulin
Shock, that it began to alter the direction of my personality. Since I
never understood what it felt like to experience life without wide swings
of blood sugars levels I always assumed that when I was tired, or depressed,
or found it difficult to think, that this came from a kind of personal
weakness, rather than the effect that my this condition was having on
me. Unfortunately my personality
as underachiever was
just reinforced and perpetuated by adults in the school system. No one
was interested in what I could do or even the kind of struggles I was
having managing my condition.
I knew in the culture that I grew up in, that people frowned on anyone
who complained or drew attention to themselves.
All this time I couldn't help wondering, why me? The most dramatic effect of going into insulin shock was the sensation that God himself (or herself) had hit me in the back of my head while shouting WAKE UP!
always felt that I was on an invisible path that, when I was on it would
lead me back to my life of who I would have, or should have been if I
had never gotten Diabetes. I knew I was on the path when I felt good about
myself and the people around me, and I was off it when I didn't, it's
that simple. This
has developed into life-long spiritual journey, I found when I was in
nature where my needs as a Diabetic didn't conflict with anyone's schedules
Significant markers on my path have always been set by musicians, writers,
Even so, the more I examined my past I could see that my life consisted of a series of jumps from one crisis into another almost always, involving medical or financial problems, all pointing back to my Diabetes.
When I got around to building this site I found it difficult to say anything positive about my life with disease.
felt my intentions were truthful and sincere, and had succeeded artistically
by expressing the difficulties of living with this condition but it just
wasn't right. It goes back to the "Chinese handcuff" problem
of pushing, or rather stretching the negative aspects
of Diabetes so that people would take it seriously when it came to developing
It's like when I need to take an injection of insulin in public and people around me think I'm having a crisis, and I have to explain that what I am doing is normal for me. I don't want to have Diabetes, I want it to be cured, but for me, here and now, this is normal. The problem is how do you really communicate this to people?
I didn't want to make a statement on just how Bad it is to have Diabetes, and I didn't want to tell people what they want to hear, that it's all a piece of cake with sugar-free ice cream on top.
What I needed to do was to show the world how normal it is to have diabetes.
I accomplished however, was a site that was really nothing more than a
of how much I hated having this condition, complete
with a "myself V.S. The rest of the world" attitude.
I put my site up anyway, even though I knew there was some inspired side
of all of this that was still missing.